Comment by Harborough churches: Long Covid has affected my health - but not my identity

Viewpoint by Revd Pep Hill, Associate Priest in the Harborough Anglican Team.

Last March, I came down with coronavirus. I managed to stay out of hospital, but 10 months later I’m still not well. The fatigue and brain fog are the worst things, I’m only able to work one day a week, have periods of breathlessness, my vision is all over the place and I have various other strange symptoms. My GP has diagnosed long Covid, but as there’s no cure and no treatment, that doesn’t necessarily help!

And so I turned to Google! The latest discovery is that many people with long Covid lose the half-moons on the fingernails! I instantly checked mine and lo and behold, I’ve lost all of them on my left hand (although I still have two on my right hand - how bizarre is that?!).

Apparently, this happens to many ME sufferers as well and there’s crossover between the two conditions. Of course, people with ME or chronic fatigue syndrome have lived with similar symptoms for years or even decades, frequently being told ‘it’s all in the mind’.

Whilst I have never run a marathon (nor have any wish to!) before all this, I was a very active person.

At the moment, I am struggling to work or look after my family. This, of course, is not unique. As well as the estimated 200,000 people with long Covid and those with ME and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, there are those struggling with fibromyalgia, the after-effects of a stroke or an accident; the list goes on and on.

My point is that how I think of myself has fundamentally changed (although not, I hope, permanently). Whilst once I considered myself competent, a leader, juggling various roles, I am now sick, unable to contribute to either work or my family adequately. So what is my identity now?

Well, thanks to my faith, my identity has not changed. I am a beautiful child of God, eternally loved by my eternal Father. Think a spot of long Covid can change that? Not a chance! Even if I never recover, I am still the same. I know WHO I am because I know WHOSE I am.

Of course, that doesn’t change the facts of my day-to-day life, but strangely, it actually affects everything. If I know that I am loved by God whether I am able to be useful or not, I need not feel guilty about not being able to do everything I used to do. I know God is with me, so I don’t feel isolated, even though I don’t often have the energy to socialise even virtually! And knowing God approves of me, even without my having to do anything, means that I can experience joy and peace even when my mind can’t focus and my body won’t do what I want it to.

My identity is still God’s precious daughter. I am loved, unconditionally, irrespective of whether I do anything ‘useful’ ever again, and whatever it may look like to others or even myself. I am loved. And so are you.

By Revd Pep Hill is Associate Priest in the Harborough Anglican Team.